chicken

Solomons wife fattens him up for summer

MEMORIAL DAY is the unofficial start of summer, and, despite my best efforts, I am not prepared for my hot weather debut.

I blame my wife.

She spent much of the winter and spring baking bread, and forcing me to eat it by allowing the aroma to waft through our house. Perhaps if it were just the bread, I could handle it. But LaVeta played dirty, and she played for keeps.

She used a stand mixer to whip heavy cream into homemade butter. Then she sat the butter in front of me, along with the warm, crusty bread. Thinking back on it now, I know what she was doing. She was fattening me up so that the young hotties wouldn’t look at me this summer.

She couldn’t have a buff 40-something guy leaving the house every day for work. Not in the summertime. Not when there are so many young women desperately seeking a man with a job and health insurance. No, sir. LaVeta wasn’t about to let some vixen half my age lust over my six-pack, so my wife did the only thing she could do to protect our marriage and family.

She turned my six-pack into a keg.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

Photo: Delicious roasted chicken by Marjan Lazarevski. Click here to see the original photo. (Marjan Lazarevski./Flickr Creative Commons).


solomon thumbnail

Solomon Jones is an Essence bestselling author and award-winning columnist. He is the creator and editor of Solomonjones.com and morning host on 900 am WURD radio. Click here to learn more about Solomon

Leave a Comment
placeholder_advertisement

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

Subscribe for More

My wife’s shirt from Northeast High 1985. If you look carefully you can see both our names— LaVeta Hewlett and Solomon Jones. Who knew that all these years later we would be married with children? God is full of surprises.
The #COVID monster has nothing on me. I got my shot!
At 8 am we talk to @PPDCommish #DanielleOutlaw about the gun violence happening in #Philly on 900 AM/ 96.1 FM  WURD @onwurd
I got my first shot of the Moderna vaccine in January from a Black nurse at a Black church in North Philly. Dr. ⁦‪@alastanford‬⁩ filmed it. Got my second shot in February. I’m glad I did. Do your research and do what’s best for you. But if I did it anyone can.
Join Great Commission Church for our online Good Friday Service today at 6 pm on Facebook. I will be delivering the 7th last word from Luke 23:46
Join @ManUpPHL as we continue our push against gun violence. Go to ManUpPHL.org to join, to donate, or get help.
Today at 8:40 am on WURD Radio, #Kwasasings. Make sure you tune in to 900 AM/ 96.1 FM @onwurd
Today at 8:40 on 900 AM/ 96.1 FM WURD Radio Kwasa sings! Tune in and be blessed. The sista can sang!
Meet me now at Eatible Delights at 1540 E. Wadsworth Ave. We’re here until 2 pm! Get a book and get a grub!
I will be doing a book signing at Eatible Delights Catering at 1540 Wadsworth Avenue today at Noon. Join me there!
Producer @ladeesingsthebluez sings live at 8:40 am every Friday @onwurd . Tune in!
Shoutout to the @philadelphiaeagles for supporting the work of #ManUpPhl! We’ve spent our lives cheering for the Eagles! Now the Eagles are cheering for us!
0 0 vote
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments