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The last minute Valentine’s Day gift

IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY, and my life is in a shambles, because I can’t afford flowers.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I must have a few bucks tucked away for a last minute Valentine’s Day gift. But the money in my change jar won’t cover the gazillion bucks it would cost to buy a dozen long-stemmed roses today.

Never mind that those same flowers cost 20 bucks any other time. It’s Valentine’s Day, and the flower hustlers know that men must purchase roses or face a year in relationship purgatory.

SJones 2.11.2014Granted, LaVeta said that I didn’t have to buy her any flowers this time around. But if I know anything about marriage, I know this: When your wife absolves you of flower responsibility on Valentine’s Day, you must immediately get on the phone and call an exorcist, because a demon has taken over her body.

Bottom line? Wives want flowers, gentlemen, and they want them delivered so at least one other woman can see them and become envious.

[button link=”http://www.philly.com/philly/living/sex_love_dating/20140211_Valentine_s_flowers_or_a_shopping_spree__It_s_a_wash.html” target=”self” color=”red” icon=”none” style=”normal” size=”default”]CLICK HERE[/button]to read the rest of this column from the Philadelphia Daily News and Philly.com
(Featured illustration by Richard Harrington)

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