parents w baby shoes

Parent on step-parent drama

TOH SMALL 11Dear Housewife:

Should the step-parent and biological parent have a relationship with one another?
– Having Blended Family Issues

Dear Issues:

This question has been plaguing mankind since biblical times!!!!!  Hagar (Abraham’s baby mama) and Sarah (his wife) could not work this type of thing out.  Sarah’s solution was to send the baby and the baby mama  into the desert!  So, in the words of Michael Jackson, “You are not alone!”  In an ideal world, yes, the step-parent and biological parent should have a relationship whose primary goal is to work together for the benefit if the child.  Unfortunately, blended family issues often occur because the biological parent is too immature to do this.  Their immaturity is demonstrated by their inability to redirect their focus away from themselves and the failure of their relationship with the other biological parent.  The emotional health of the child should be first and foremost.  All adults should work together as a team, preparing the child for adulthood.  Unfortunately, some biological parents spend the years leading up to the child’s 18th birthday nursing bitterness and anger toward their former sex partner.  There are no winners when this happens.  Everyone suffers—especially the child.

Blended family issues can be resolved, but …

It’s not all on the biological parent. The step-parent’s hands may not be entirely clean either, especially if they’re not doing what they need to do, which is to demonstrate their love and commitment to child.  Lastly, the step-parent’s spouse (biological parent #2) has an obligation to set a positive tone for the relationships.  This requires walking a tightrope as peacekeeper—no easy task! The adults in this situation need to evaluate their relationships and commit to making them what they need to be for the sake of the child.  This requires first getting over themselves, and then repenting, forgiving, and putting the past where it belongs—in the past.   If you don’t get your act together, it may result in raising an emotionally damaged child incapable  of having healthy relationships.

Featured photo © Canstock Photo

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I recently asked if whether or not the concept of ‘it takes a community to raise a child’ was dead….Unfortunately, I believe it is…..


Well, when one begins to date. There needs to be many conversations on how and/or if we proceed with this friendship how does one approach parenting. ( usually doesn’t happen) Does the soon to be step-parent even what to be involved and/or have they had any past experience. Or does go like this, we are now a couple and here is your new step-parent.

Solomon Jones

This is an excellent point. We often skip conversations early on that end up messing things up down the line.